Weiner, Schwarzenegger & the Women They Tease

Posted on June 9, 2011 by Straight Talk

Anthony Weiner, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Bret Favre are just three examples of men who seems to have the perfect lives and perfect wives and yet they habitually appeared to make really stupid choices to risk their marriages by tweeting, textings and teasing. Why would congressman Weiner, the young star of the democrats, send risque pictures of himself to several women? Why would Arnold continue his womanizing while Governor? And why would the darling of football and family man, Bret Favre, flirt and allegedly send a naked picture of himself to another woman (noticeably a younger looking version of his own wife)? Ladies, these men are not having caring, emotional , affairs with these other women. They are treating them disrespectfully, as sex objects.

Women who would fall for that just because these men are famous or “important” are making equally stupid choices. The men are NOT going to leave their wives for you. And if their wives leave them when/if the behavior is exposed….guess what? You are not the woman they will pursue a relationship with because you are merely a sex object to them. AND if he DOES go to you and begin a relationship, even rebound marries you, he will cheat on you as well, period. I have had coaching clients that fit this category. I am always amazed to hear how shocked these ladies are that their man has an affair on them, when they got together with him when he was married to someone else. Hello, once a cheater….this is not rocket science. The Bible says what you put out comes back to you. So girls, no matter how flattered you are that a celebrity appears to be enamored with you, if he’s married, he’s just another cheater who will cheat on you if he even seriously pursues you. There is no “win” in these scandals for those involved.

So ladies, if you meet a celebrity and he seems to notice you, if you want to take home an ego boost, just accept a little thrill he smiled at you in the first place and leave it at that. You’ll save yourself, his wife and a whole lotta people a lot of pain.

Until Next time, Your love and life coach, Victorya Rogers

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Want to Spice Up Your Marriage?

Posted on June 6, 2011 by Straight Talk

Have you ever caught your relationship stalled out…. or worse, slipping from passion to irritability? You know, the things you used to just LOVE about your husband now begin to totally annoy you? Not that you love your husband any less, you’re just walking through the motions of marriage and letting life zap you of the passion and excitement of your younger years together.

How do we turn that around? How do we get back that lovin’ feeling when we are far from in the mood for sex or tenderness after long days, months or years with each other, the kids, work, stress, and cleaning? Ugh. Can you relate? Some very intriguing answers to this question came my way recently.

As a love and life coach, I was honored to be asked to join my friend Debby Wade on her new faith-based DVD “Straight Talk About Sex for Christian Couples.” I knew it would be far from a boring interview so I jumped at the chance. After all, we ALL have questions about our sex life we’d love to ask an expert, but either don’t know such an expert or are too afraid to approach one. Sex therapist Debby Wade fixes that problem by answering more than a dozen of the burning questions many women have about their marriage bed. And quite frankly she has some great advice, covering everything from fantasy to low sex drive. She even helps you comfortably talk to your husband about what you want as well as offer insight on what to tell your kids when they ask about your past.

Here a sneak peak at her advice on three of the topics she broached in her upcoming DVD:

What about low sex drive? Much insight is given on the topic of low sex drive. Particularly eye opening was Debby’s suggestion to scour over current prescriptions you or your husband may be taking and checking the side effects. Few people realize that an antihistamine doesn’t just dry up your nasal passages… And anti-depressants can affect sex drive (to name just two types of medicines many people take these days).

How do we talk about sex with our husband? I brought up how many women have a hard time telling their husbands exactly what they want in bed. When talking directly about sex proves too awkward or difficult for you, one piece of advice Debby offers is reading a great book on the topic, such as Sheet Music by Dr. Kevin Leman or A Celebration of Sex by Dr. Doug Rosenau. She suggests highlighting what you like or are curious about, then passing the book on to your husband and asking for his comments on your notes. See, no confrontation and yet you get to “say” what you’ve been wanting to say.

What if our kids ask? When I asked her “How much is too much to tell our kids about our own sexual past?” Debby answers, “All that’s told should be truth, but not all truth should be told.” She goes on to clarify that we should never lie to our kids because it will indeed backfire on us if we do! However, there is a difference between honesty and advertising. Don’t tell every sordid detail of your past indiscretions. Use tact and wisdom when deciding what about your past to share. If your kids haven’t asked you yet, now would be a good time to start thinking about your response if/when they DO ask the tough questions of Mom and Dad. Always better to be prepared than caught off guard.

Reality is that EVERY marriage can use a little reigniting of the passion now and then. Sometimes all we need is a little insight and courage. Order your copy of STRAIGHT TALK ABOUT SEX FOR CHRISTIAN COUPLES today.

Victorya Rogers, Love & Life Coach

www.victorya.com

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Can A Table Bring Marital Bliss?

Posted on June 1, 2011 by Straight Talk

I had so many “memorable” experiences during my 16 years in Hollywood that will continue to fill the pages of my books. As I at a recent landmark birthday party I was caught myself reminiscing on my yesteryears of Hollywood including one of my appointments with a married celebrity Facialist. This particular day she had ranted to me, the single gal, about how I better never marry a “controlling man who will expect you to cook for him and prepare any meals because this is the ‘90s and self respecting women just don’t do that anymore.” Yes, I would say she had a little baggage. But I was also saddened because I was still single and had visions of an ideal married life with romantic home cooked dinners (prepared by me).

Okay so reality does not always turn out like fairy tale (especially 13 years into marriage and I’m still not the best cook) BUT I still disagree with my Facialist. That is why I was so encouraged to read two books by renown author Devi Titus–The Home Experience and The Table–both written to help women use what is in their control to create a fabulous home life and enhance their relationship with their husband and children. It takes more than great sex to have a healthy marriage. It takes ongoing communication, eye-to-eye, daily to keep the harmony. And sometimes sex is actually the easy part of intimacy, compared to verbal and non-verbal communication. Devi’s books help with the verbal intimacy in a home.

If like me, you long for consistent, quality eye-to-eye conversations with the people you love the most–your family–check out Devi’s books as she reveals the secret to deeper, longer lasting relationships. From Devi I’ve personally learned how to begin to unravel frustrations and come back to “the table” within my current lifestyle.  This “table experience” will uniquely equip you to transform your home to a place of peace where relationships thrive and flourish.

Here are three tips I’ve learned from Devi Titus:

Eat Together at Home: Pick one meal a day when your household comes together for a meal. With today’s hectic lives, it may not be possible every single day at home but worth the effort!

Have Your Say: Let everyone at the table say something and have everyone else at the table give them the respect of being heard.

Celebrate Together: have something special as a couple or family that you choose to honor each with on special occasions. Devi gives various simple ideas for this from a special dinner plate to choice of menu, to theme nights like girls night, Dad’s night, and more.

These are just 3 of the many gems I learned from hearing Devi speak and reading her books.

Victorya Rogers, Love & Life Coach

www.victorya.com

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Love Lessons From Toy Story 3

Posted on May 22, 2011 by Straight Talk

Okay ladies, do you find yourself not happy with what you’ve gotten lately? Then let me cheer you up with 3 quick love lessons found in the latest Toy Story movie. My husband, kids and I recently went on a family road trip from Texas all he way to Southern California. While in California we managed to see Toy Story 3 with my parents, sister and her kids. Every one of us LOVED the film–it had so many great messages about life, love, values, and growing up. Here are just three special lessons I garnered for married women who may be struggling in feeling loved in their marriage right now.

My three Toy Story tips? They are “Reminisce,” “See Others,” and “Appreciate what You’ve Got!” Sounds simple right? It can be.

1. Reminisce: Throughout Toy Story 3, Andy, Andy’s Mom, and all the toys reminisce on their life. Reminiscing brought fondness, tenderness, loyalty and appreciation. It can do the same for you. No matter what state your marriage is in today, pause and reminisce on what you loved about your husband when you were dating and when you first got married. Reminisce on your life and goals–notice which dreams came true, and those that didn’t, do they merit pursuing now? By reminiscing Sheriff Woody and the toys remembered what truly mattered.

2. See Others: So much of Toy Story 3 involves learning to see others. Andy sees the little girl who loves her toys, Sheriff Woody sees the needs of the toys he cares about, and even the Ken doll learns a thing or two about life when he truly sees others for who they are, good or bad. Sometimes when life has us down we need to stop and look at others and see how we can help, relate or learn from them! On our road trip to Los Angeles, my kids got to see there are a whole bunch of Americans off 1-40 who DO NOT live like kids in Southlake, Texas. We are overly blessed here. Do we see others? Or just focus on our problems?

3. Appreciate What You’ve Got: One of its enduring messages is to appreciate what you have, rather than replace what you have. If you want to cheer yourself up, count your blessings. Write them down. As Sheryl Crow sings in “Soak up the Sun,” “It’s not having what you want, it’s wanting what you’ve got!” After leaving Toy Story 3 my son immediately wanted to rush out to get the new improved robotic Buzz Lightyear and discard his original Buzz. Instead we talked about the movie’s message and how we just learned to loved what we have rather than replace it with every new version that comes along (okay, okay, so we’ll ignore this lesson when it comes to cell phones and gadgets).

Appreciating what we have is so needed in love and marriage. Every marriage encounters tough times. But ladies, it’s so much wiser to invest the time and energy to work on what you’ve got rather than trading your man in for the next one who comes along…besides the new one will have his own baggage, so why not put your energy into the one you’ve already got?

Three things from Toy Story 3 all made sense on my vacation. Reminiscing was the easiest thing to do. As we hit all the hot spots of the drive — Continental Divide, Painted Desert, Vegas, Grand Canyon, Vegas, Huntington Beach, Marina Del Rey, Big Bear Lake — I was able to reminisce on younger years. Yes, we were Chevy Chase’s “Griswolds” all over again, but with the addition of 4 iPods running at all times. Throughout the trip, especially during my visit home to California, long ago memories flooded my mind from my singles years. I got to visit with an old friends and saw where their choices have brought them. And I remembered all my dreams and hopes to find the man of my dreams, the heartbreaks and love lessons learned that eventually filled the pages of two of my books, my ambitions of what I wanted to accomplish… As I reminisced and pondered where I’d been and where I ended up, peace and smiles overwhelmed me, because even though, like everyone else, we are facing challenges in our daily life, all my dreams came true! I held out for the man of my dreams, I risked leaving a lucrative career as a talent agent for love and marriage and went on to write four books and establish my life coaching business in Texas, I have two precious kids, and enjoy a wonderful relationship with God. Why am I telling you all this? Because it is so easy to start wallowing in our life challenges, annoyances and irritations and forget what blessings we currently are enjoying in the midst of our mess.

Even if your life, relationships and career are experiencing turmoil with a capital T right now, there is something good about your life. You can experience a happiness. My quick, movie inspired tips? Watch Toy Story 3 and do three things:

  1. Reminisce
  2. See others
  3. Appreciate what you’ve got

Hang in there, reminisce on your love and life and remember why you chose your man, really see others around you, and appreciate what you’ve got. And like Andy, Sheriff Woody and the gang, you will have a great summer!

Victorya Rogers, Love & Life Coach

www.victorya.com

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Get Sexy Back? I Don’t Even Know what Feminine is These Day!

Posted on May 15, 2011 by Straight Talk

There is so much pain, confusion and mixed messages about sex and femininity everywhere we look–from the radio airwaves to the IPod, TV shows to commercials, magazines covers to the movies. Even the news fills their headlines with sex. Justin Timberlake aside, you just can’t get away from the blaring messages as sex.

Ever wonder how YOU can be feminine and sexy while pleasing God at the same time? That may sound like a contradiction, but God not only created us, he also created sex in the first place and he created it for pleasure. If God designed sex and femininity for good how can we take away the shame and learn to enjoy it when we are bombarded daily with all the confusion and pain it has brought?

I am Debby Wade, a sex therapist who has been in private practice for over 20 years. I know your pain and confusion and I am spoke at First Friday to answer your tough questions–CLICK HERE. I’ve spent countless hours helping individuals and couples of all ages deal with all the issues of sex.

Over the past few months the ladies of First Friday have been writing down their burning questions on this very topic and I spoke in March at their Monthly event at Harkins Movie Theatre to give answer your questions and bring you encouragement and hope. In the heart of every woman is a longing to be captivating and cherished, yet with society’s distortion about what is “feminine and sexy,” I know how you struggle to get those longings met as both single and married women. There is hope. You can be feminine, sexy, and please God!

Here are just a few of the questions you’ve asked that I address:

  • “If we’ve been taught sex is bad, how do we shift our thoughts to believe it is something good in marriage?”
  • “How do I cope with my husband’s sex and porn addiction?”
  • “It is my husband who doesn’t want sex, how do I get him to desire me? Or is something wrong with him?”
  • “How do we answer our kid’s questions about ‘our first time’ experiences?”
  • “What’s ‘okay’ in the bedroom for married couples?”
  • “How do I deal with my husband’s premature ejaculation?”

Join me as we dive into these questions–just click on this link on the First Friday Women website. I will reveal how to really “get sexy back”. Let me encourage you with straight talk about biblical, healthy sexuality–how it was designed to be. Whether you are single or married, young or old, don’t miss this opportunity to have your questions answers in this engaging discussion.

Debby Wade, Sex Therapist

www.DebbyWade.com

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3 Tips to Get You in the Mood for Making Love

Posted on April 15, 2011 by Straight Talk

The gushy romance on those manufactured “dates of a lifetime” on ABC’s The Bachelor may reflect your own dating years. But you’re married now, and those nights that take your breath away may have become a distant memory. Aw, but it doesn’t have to be like this. Get back to DATE NIGHT–weekly dates with your husband and bring back that loving feeling and yearning for your man! Here’s how to ensure yourself a passionate married “Date Nights”, 5, 10, 15 even 20 years into your marriage. Follow my 3 simple tips and you’ll find yourself not using the “I’ve got a headache” excuse because after evenings like this, you’ll be sure to be in the mood to make love to your husband! – Plan it yourself, Pamper yourself, and Present your best self.

Plan it yourself. Want to have a romantic night? Take the pressure off your man and plan the evening yourself. That way you get to do exactly what you want and he is off the hook for having to be creative. Even after years of marriage, our husbands can not read our mines, so rather than be disappointed on a holiday that may mean more to you than him, take the reigns yourself. Here are a few ideas to spark your imagination:

  • Make dinner reservations at a restaurant you’ve been dying to try
  • Book a spa for a couples massage…so romantic.
  • Go to a movie theatre that serves dinner
  • “Staycation” by overnighting at an elegant hotel
  • Go down memory lane and repeat one of your early dates together
  • See your favorite band, Go ballroom dancing, Roller-skate, Go to the ballet, Symphony or some local black tie affair

Whatever you think you both would enjoy (maybe you a little more), make those arrangements for your Date Night and send him the invitation! Maybe even “evite him” or send an ecard about it.

Pamper Yourself

Ah, yes, if you want to get yourself in the mood to make love to your husband, you have an excuse to pamper yourself a bit. What is one thing you’ve been wanting to do that you’ve not let yourself do? Sneak out by yourself and see a movie in the middle of the day, shop all day looking at what YOU like without someone saying “Come on, let’s go!”? Sit at Barnes and Noble for hours devouring a book you’ve been wanting to indulge in. What would be something just for you? Carve out at least 2 hours the day of your date before your husband gets home and take some “me time” to simply pamper yourself. It will do wonders for refreshing your soul. And just maybe you’ll turn it into a habit to give yourself one of these mini “dates” once a week from now on and find yourself more and more “in the mood” for your man when he comes home.

Present Your Best Self

To enjoy your Date Night with your man, you have to come with the right attitude and present your best self. Sure life has its challenges. No, your husband and life may not be perfect. But it’s your life and your husband and I bet you wouldn’t trade it all in if you could. Let weekly Date Night with your  husband become a time when you choose to think on the good in your marriage and your life. Think on what your husband has done right thus far, not where he has let you down. Reminisce on your special memories. If you, like me, spend much of your day casual, let this night be a night when you go all out and fix yourself up with perfume, makeup and fashion. Put on your favorite jewelry, heels, and smile. In Hollywood we have this saying for nerves: “Fake it till you make it.” If you’re not feeling so romantic or thrilled with your life at the moment, “Fake it till you make it” and by that I mean, put on an authentic smile, dress up in your favorite outfit, and you know what? You’ll look in the mirror and FEEL IT, you’ll make it. You’ll transform into your best self.

3 simple tips. Plan it, pamper yourself and present your best self. Try ‘em and see if weekly Date Nights with your husband may be just what the “doctor” ordered to spice up your mood and make you more and more amorous and interested in making love to your husband and enjoying every minute of it for years to come!

Here’s to Passion and Romance!

 

Victorya Rogers, Love & Life Coach

www.victorya.com

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Can you be Tempted to Cheat on Your Spouse and Remain Pure?

Posted on April 8, 2011 by Straight Talk

Interesting sermon on Purity by Gateway Church’s pastor, Robert Morris, from Southlake, Texas. Inspired by the life of Joseph in Genesis, this particular sermon covers The Purity Test. How can you remain faithful and pure throughout marriage in today’s society?  Tune in to Morris’s comments on how much of your temptation and struggles you should reveal to your spouse. Do you tell your mate everything for accountability purposes? Perhaps find a close friend, pastor or counselor to hold you accountable? Or dare you walk out your temptation alone and expect to be able to avoid adultery, porn addiction or other unfaithfulness? To listen into the sermon go to http://gatewaypeople.com/sermons and search for The Purity Test sermon from 3/26/11.

Victorya Rogers, Love & Life Coach

www.victorya.com

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